A few days ago I was having a sort of existential crisis. I had a few things troubling my mind. Nothing particularly bad had happened; it was just a phase I was going through. The people whom I usually talk to when I’m going through these typa moods haven’t been quite available to talk to lately. And besides, I know exactly how they would have tried to reason me: uriko urifyinisha, you should learn to appreciate what you have in your life, blablabla… so I was happy to sulk all by myself.
The moments that I got to reflect on the things that were bothering me had me thinking about the people I have in my life. Those people I decided could be part of it, not those who are tied to it from the beginning of times until forever and ever aka family. I’m talking about my friends.
I’m not gonna lie, for a moment I was kindda pissed that nobody was there when I needed someone to talk to at that moment, but then I remembered that hey, people have lives too! It’s not like they’re just sitting there waiting for Kris to call. Plus, I know how bad of a there-when-you-need-me-friend I can also be when I have my mind on other stuff.
But anyway, the little situation had me thinking about friendship in general: the people I trust, the people I give my time to, the people who trust me, the people who give me their time, and some relationships that I’m in with somewhat unbalanced expectations.
The first thing that came to my mind is how I’ve evolved from being a “loner” to being somebody who “needs” people to talk to. It’s an interesting transformation, but one that kindda freaks me out a little bit…
My parents brought me up to “talk to God” whenever I had a problem. And although I’m YET to hear the voice of God PHYSICALLY, I do believe moments of prayer are ideal times to take a step back, reflect on situations and allow yourself to be vulnerable without feeling judged. I haven’t been getting much of those moments lately, which is a pity (but something I’m working to resolve)…
“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord. That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” (Jeremiah 17: 6-8 NIVUK)
The bottom line of this passage (which may sound harsh to some) is that it’s better to rely on God first (then on people next).
Although I’m convinced within me that true friends are God-sent, and that God often works through them to accompany us through life’s different journeys, I’m conscious that nobody has the obligation to be there every time we need them. Furthermore, like one of my friends (who rarely ever wants to talk about anything) likes to put it (although I’m starting to believe she says it to get rid of me), nobody has all the right answers.
Simply put, if you come to me with a situation that needs help, I can only advise you according to my own understanding of life and my own experiences… unless God grants me King Solomon’s type of wisdom (which is something I’ve asked for by the way)… Ariko na King Solomon didn’t really have all the right answers: just look for his story and read about the last years of his life…
It took me some growing up to realise nobody ever has all the right answers. Lil’ me use to think that adulthood was about that, and that adults did dumb things deliberately (as in while knowing what was the right thing to do).
Appreciating that idea as too idealistic taught me a great deal about humility, but also boosted my self-confidence big time. I wasn’t afraid to seem dumb anymore. I learnt to say what I think, but also to ask questions about things I don’t understand…
Anyway, what did I learn from my little existential crisis?
I learnt that I’m quite blessed to have friends I can count on. I’m not one of those people you’ll find online preaching to trust no one. I have a few trustworthy people in my circle and I pray to God everyday to keep that trust intact.
But I also learnt that nobody can really be there for me all the time. Ntibikunda! People have obligations, work, families to look after… sometimes they simply run out of airtime and data plans; their phones die and they become impossible to reach (REGIDESO won’t let people prosper)… other times they just need some time alone. Sometimes WE need some time alone…
And then, like I said, nobody has the answers to all the questions…
But God… all day everyday! 🙂
I’m thinking about the atheists or people who don’t believe in having a relationship with God, and imagining how they must be rolling their eyes as they read this. Haha, #KawukaBirahera!
I really don’t expect you to understand something you haven’t experienced. I can only pray you experience it. But I expect you to agree with me that it’s unreasonable to rely on people 100%; even the most trustworthy ones out there. So whom do you rely on? Yourself? Aren’t you a person though?
Hah, I feel like I’m getting into an argument about faith here, but that’s the last place I want to go!
Allow me instead, to go answer to some people who are about to ask me why I just aired them out as bad friends. Haha!
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind.” (1 Peter 5: 7-8 NIVUK)